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Shiva Laws and Customs: Your Complete Q&A

A comprehensive Q&A on the halachic laws and customs of shiva — covering the five prohibitions, keriah, the first meal, mirrors, low chairs, and more.

Q: What are the five mourning prohibitions during shiva?

According to Jewish law, mourners during shiva must abstain from five categories of activity:

  • Bathing for pleasure — basic hygiene is permitted, but showering for comfort or pleasure is not
  • Anointing — applying lotions, perfumes, or cosmetics for pleasure
  • Wearing leather shoes — mourners wear cloth or rubber-soled shoes as a sign of grief
  • Marital relations
  • Torah study — since Torah study brings joy, it is restricted; mourners may study sections related to mourning, grief, and Job

    • These five prohibitions are among the oldest codified mourning practices in Jewish law.

    Q: What is keriah — the tearing of a garment?

    Keriah (קְרִיעָה) is the ritual tearing of a garment performed at the moment of learning of a close relative's death, or traditionally just before burial. It is one of Judaism's most ancient mourning rites, echoing Jacob's grief when he believed Joseph had died.

  • For a parent, the tear is made on the left side (over the heart) and is never fully repaired — it remains as a permanent mark of loss
  • For other relatives, the tear is on the right side and the garment may eventually be repaired

    • Many mourners continue to wear the torn garment (or a symbolic ribbon) throughout shiva as a visible sign of their grief.

    Q: Why do mourners sit on low chairs?

    Sitting on low chairs or cushions is a physical expression of grief — the mourner is brought low by their loss. It is one of the most recognizable customs of a shiva house. Some authorities derive it from the verse where Job's friends "sat with him on the ground" (Job 2:13).

    Q: Why are mirrors covered during shiva?

    The custom of covering mirrors during shiva is widely observed in Ashkenazic communities. Several reasons are given:

  • To avoid the vanity of focusing on one's own appearance while in mourning
  • Because prayer services held in the shiva house require that no mirror face the congregation
  • As a symbolic reminder that this period is not about the self, but about the soul of the departed

    • The custom is not universally practiced — in Sephardic communities it is less common.

    Q: What is the seudat havra'ah — the meal of condolence?

    The *seudat havra'ah* (סְעֻדַּת הַבְרָאָה) is the first meal a mourner eats after returning from the burial. Jewish law requires that this meal be provided entirely by friends and neighbors — the mourner may not prepare it themselves.

    Traditional foods include:

  • Round foods (eggs, round rolls, lentils) — symbolizing the cycle of life
  • Hard-boiled eggs — a symbol of mourning in Jewish tradition

    • Q: What happens if shiva falls during a Jewish holiday?

    The major Jewish holidays have complex interactions with shiva:

  • Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Passover, Shavuot: If shiva begins before Yom Tov, the holiday cancels the remaining shiva days entirely
  • Shabbat: Counts as a day of shiva but all public mourning is suspended
  • Chol HaMoed (intermediate days): Some mourning practices are observed; consult a rabbi for specifics

    • Q: How does shiva end?

    On the morning of the seventh day, mourners symbolically end shiva by leaving the house and taking a short walk outside. Friends and family often accompany them on this walk — a transition back toward life.

    For further reading on the laws and customs of shiva, visit [Chabad.org's comprehensive guide to Shivah Mourning](https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/342063/jewish/Shivah-Mourning.htm).

    Coordinating a shiva? [Create a free page on TheShivaPage](/create) to manage meals, Mishnayos, and minyan times in one place.

    Frequently Asked Questions

    What are the five prohibitions during shiva?

    The five mourning prohibitions are: bathing for pleasure, anointing (lotions/perfumes), wearing leather shoes, marital relations, and Torah study (which brings joy). Basic hygiene and essential activities remain permitted.

    What is keriah in Jewish mourning?

    Keriah is the ritual tearing of a garment upon learning of a close relative's death. For a parent it is torn on the left side over the heart and never fully repaired; for other relatives it is torn on the right side.

    Why do mourners sit on low chairs at shiva?

    Sitting low is a physical expression of being brought low by grief. It echoes the verse where Job's friends sat on the ground with him in mourning (Job 2:13).

    Why are mirrors covered during shiva?

    Mirrors are covered to avoid vanity during mourning and because having a mirror face the congregation during prayer services is improper. The custom is most common in Ashkenazic communities.

    What is the first meal at shiva called?

    The first meal is called seudat havra'ah (meal of condolence). It must be provided entirely by friends and neighbors. It traditionally includes round foods like eggs, symbolizing the cycle of life.

    Does a Jewish holiday cancel shiva?

    Yes. The major holidays (Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Passover, Shavuot) cancel any remaining shiva days if shiva had already begun before the holiday. Shabbat counts as a day of shiva but suspends public mourning.

    How does shiva end?

    On the morning of the seventh day, mourners leave their home and take a short walk outside. Friends and family often accompany them on this symbolic return to life.

    Coordinating a Shiva?

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